


I LOVE YOU SO, DEAR

by haektuans



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Romance, YunJae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 22:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7011625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haektuans/pseuds/haektuans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong watches Yunho's every move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I LOVE YOU SO, DEAR

_Jaejoong sits in a corner of their house; his eyes are on his husband’s every move. He wanted to help him, but he can’t,so he just watch him do what everything he does in their house. He doesn’t know whether to feel happy or sad at this moment. He’s dead for 3 years already but Yunho still acts like he’s still alive, and it hurts him to see his husband like that._

The doorbell rung and Yunho rushed immediately at the door to open it.

 

“Hey Yunho, I didn’t bring anyone with me. Changmin won’t be able to come because” Yoochun told him, removing his jacket and placing it on the hook rack. “Why are there 3 plates?”

 

“I know that, he called me a while ago and apologized that he won’t be able to come. The other plate is for Jaejoong.”

 

Yoochun bit his lip, not knowing what to say when Yunho’s being like this, again. His friend has been like this ever since the accident happened 3 years ago. They’ve been helping him, but it seems like Yunho can’t do that. Yunho would sometimes wait for Jaejoong in their front door, almost every day at the first year he died to the point wherein he almost got crazy about it.

 

“For Jaejoong, hmm?”

 

“Yes, it’s for Jaejoong. He just went out to buy something, he’ll be back.” Yunho smiled, but it wasn’t like the smile he had before. “Let’s wait for him.”

 

He let out a deep breath as he faced him, making Yunho lower his head. The latter knows what Yoochun is going to tell him. He knows it, and doesn’t want to hear it.

 

_Jaejoong stares at them, tries his best no to cry as he saw his husband having a hard time. He walked closer at Yunho and Yoochun. As much as he wanted to hug and tell him comforting words, he can’t. He’s just a soul now, Yunho can’t hear him, nor see him. He closes his eyes and hopes for the best._

Yunho sighs out loud, brushing his bangs away that reaches his eyes already as he buried his face in his hands. He knows that he tried his best several times already to move on from what had happened, but it seems like his heart tells him otherwise. He is still sometimes in denial. Everything that he sees in their house reminds him of his late husband. Jaejoong was his life, and will forever be his life.

 

Tears started to flow across his cheeks and his lips started to tremble as he tried to speak. He usually doesn’t cry in front of other people because he doesn’t want to show them that he is weak. His heart lurch painfully into a pounding wrath, finding a hard time to breathe properly.

_Jaejoong’s eyes overflowed with tears and he fell on his knees in front of them. “Don’t do this to yourself, Yunho.”_

 

Silence filled the house. It was only Jaejoong who can hear his cries.

 

“Do you want me to accompany you?” asked Yoochun, soothing his crying friend’s back, trying his best to comfort him. “Let’s visit his grave tomorrow.”

 

Yunho shook his head and stood, his back facing Yoochun. The latter wants him to do what he is avoiding for a long time already. He can’t do it. He doesn’t want to. Just the image of him standing in front of his husband’s grave makes his heart ache more.

 

“I can’t do that. I don’t want to see—”

 

“Yunho.” called Yoochun in a soft voice. “Do you think Jaejoong would like to see you like this? Seeing you in such a mess.”

“I won’t go, Yoochun. You know how much I don’t want to go there.”

“How long are you going to be like this?” Yoochun asked, holding him in his shoulders.

 

“Do this for him Yunho. I’m sure Jaejoong hates to see you like this.”

 

Yunho gazed at his dearly beloved’s picture, recalling the most painful event in his life.

 

o-o-o-o-o

 

One cold winter night, Yunho and Jaejoong decided to go stroll in a park for their 10th anniversary as a married couple, just a simple celebration would do, they thought. Their hands intertwined, Jaejoong’s head on his husband’s shoulders, their eyes finding each other’s. The couple isn’t really into extravagant things. Jaejoong has told his husband that he just want them to live simply even though Yunho have a large amount of money. As long as they are beside each other, they feel contented because they believe that it’s the most important thing for them. They are young at heart, as what their friends say about them.

 

“Time flies so fast.” Yunho started, making Jaejoong stop in his tracks and looking at Yunho’s bright smile that he fell for the moment he got to know him better.  “It’s our 10th anniversary already. I can’t believe you chose me out of all people trying to win your heart.”

 

Jaejoong tightened his grip on his husband’s hands. “Are you always going to ask me that every time we’re having our anniversary?” Jaejoong asked as he nuzzled his face on Yunho’s chest before looking at him in his almond-shaped eyes. “Not just every anniversary actually, but almost every time to be honest. Aren’t you getting tired of it?”

 

“Why would I get tired of it?” answered Yunho, wrapping Jaejoong in a tender embrace. Yunho’s hugs are warm and exciting according to Jaejoong, and he loves it so much. “And no, I would never get tired of telling you those.”

 

Jaejoong looked at him, “I can still remember what people asked me as how did you manage to capture my heart. They told me that they had a hard time approaching me, but when it was you”

 

He kissed Jaejoong’s forehead, cheeks, nose and lips and they hugged each other, rocking back and forth. They ignored the stares, the people at the park is giving them. Just feeling each other’s warmth is important.

 

“They’re staring at us.” Jaejoong muttered at the taller man’s chest, his hands finding its way on his husbands back, drawing circles on it. “Let’s go now.”

 

Yunho laughed softly and ruffled Jaejoong’s hair. “Let them stare. They’re just jealous.”

“Okay, yeah right. Whatever you say.” grinned Jaejoong, pinching Yunho’s cheeks.

 

“What? Am I not right?” the other man asked as he raised an eyebrow at the man in front of him, shaking his head. “Who wouldn’t be jealous of our relationship? We’re the perfect couple, Jaejoongie. You know that.”

 

“Of course I know that.” smiled Jaejoong, cupping Yunho’s cheeks. “I know.”

 

Yunho made kissing faces at him, making Jaejoong cover his face. “Oh please, Yunho act your age, will you?”

 

“I could ask the same for you.”

 

“I don’t act the way you do.”

 

“Yes you do.”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“Oh, yes.”

 

“I don’t you idiot.”

 

“Yeah I’m an idiot for loving you.” Yunho pulled him for a hug again, planting kisses on his face again.

 

Jaejoong rolled his eyes and playfully slap him on his chest. “So what? Are we just going to spend our time here or are we going somewhere else?”

 

“Let’s just sit there first.” he pointed at a bench near a tree, walking hand by hand towards their destination. “Hey, you told me yesterday that you have something to tell me.”

 

“Oh, about that.” Jaejoong walked ahead of him, tugging him closer as they sat on the bench and faced Yunho, smiling widely. “I got promoted yesterday! They threw a little party for me that’s why I came home pretty late last night.”

 

Yunho hugged him so tight, that Jaejoong wasn’t able to move. “Really? I am so proud of you!”

 

“Hey, wait let me breathe Yunho.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” the latter chuckled as he pulled out from the firm embrace. “I was just so surprised, I mean, you’re in there for just barely a year but you got promoted already! I’m so proud of you.”

 

“Well, actually 2 of us got promoted. They congratulated us both, they’re happy for us. But actually some of our co-workers are jealous of us, because they are working there for almost several years already while both us are just there for like 8 months and we got a promotion already.”

 

“That’s normal.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“Or maybe, they’re not just as best as you, that’s why they’re stuck in their positions. Attitudes are observed also when they’re going to promote someone.”

 

“Woah, you’re bad.”

 

“That’s the truth.”

 

Jaejoong just nodded in response. Agreeing that his husband may be right since that’s what he observed on some of his co-workers.

 

“Oh, I want ice cream. I’ll just buy some.”

 

Yunho eyed him, his mouth slightly agape. “Come on Jaejoong, it’s winter and you want ice cream?”

“I just feel like eating one.” he pouted facing Yunho as he clasped his hands together begging like a kid like he’s asking for a candy.

 

“I thought you said you don’t act like a kid.” Yunho poked Jaejoong’s cheek in a teasing manner. “Now, look at what you’re doing.”

 

“I know it’s your weakness when I act like this.”

 

“Oh, come on.” Yunho looked away but noticed that Jaejoong is still looking at him. “Okay fine, I’ll buy you your ice cream. You stay here.”

 

“No, just stay here and I’ll be the one who’ll buy it.”

 

“Let me do it.”

 

Jaejoong huffed in annoyance as he pushed Yunho back to the bench as the latter tried to stand. He crossed his arms and bring his foot on the other man’s lap. “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re treating me like a woman again.”

 

“Why? Aren’t you-”

 

Yunho wasn’t able to continue his sentence when Jaejoong kicked him in his leg.

 

“Hey! What was that for?”

 

“You know, I hate it when you’re like that.” Jaejoong frowned cutely, making Yunho made faces and laugh at him. “You should stop treating me like a woman. The store is just across the street.”

 

“Okay, okay. I will. Now get your ice cream before that I’ll eat you instead.”

 

Jaejoong made his way to the store to buy their ice cream and some other snacks that they can eat at that night. He handed the lady the money before storming out of the store.

 

As he was about to cross the street, a motorcycle stopped in front of him. He was taken aback and almost jumped in surprise.

 

“You’re Lee Jihae right?” asked the man who is riding the motorcycle. “From Goo Corporation.”

 

Jaejoong shook his head and bowed, feeling weird about the man in front of him. He finds something weird about this man but still answered him not wanting to be disrespectful. “I’m not Lee Jihae from Goo Corporation. He’s my co-worker. I’m sorry, I’m not the one you’re looking for.”

 

Yunho, who is in the other side of the street, still sitting in the same spot saw that his husband is talking with someone else. He stood up and decided to approach them.

 

“Stop lying. I know you know about this.” snickered the man that made Jaejoong stay away from him and eyed him suspiciously. “Sorry, I was just asked to do this, and I needed some money.”

 

The man reached something at his pocket inside his jacket and pointed a gun at Jaejoong’s body. The latter gasped and wasn’t able to run away, too shocked on what’s happening.

 

“What-”

 

Yunho saw it and immediately run towards their way. “Jaejoong!” he shouted, breathing heavily as he saw his husband’s shocked expression. But it was too late.

 

 Jaejoong was already lying on the cold ground. His eyes already closing, he was barely breathing.

 

Yunho looked fearfully at Jaejoong’s body, whose blood already soaked his clothing. He rushed beside him, scooting him in his arms. He had 4 shots at his body.

 

There were bloods on his clothes as well, but he didn’t mind about it.

 

“I—” Jaejoong coughed, blood coming out from his mouth and his vision becoming blurry. He was feeling too weak to move, but still tried to reach for his husband’s face, giving it a light squeeze. “I love you, Yunho.”

 

People were already surrounding them and someone already called an ambulance. Some people tried to chase the motorcycle and report it to the police.

 

“Don’t say that, Jaejoongie.” Yunho cried so hard, his grip on Jaejoong becoming tighter and he held him closer to his chest. He kissed his forehead and cried harder when Jaejoong was already closing his eyes. “Jaejoong wake up! Please!” he chanted, shaking his husband’s body to wake him up. “You can’t do this to me. I know you’d still survive.”

 

A few minutes later the ambulance was already there. Placing Jaejoong in a stretcher. But the latter was unconscious already. Yunho tried to call his name but the man isn’t waking up.

 

Yunho felt dizzy from breathing off the top of her lungs. The blood drained from his head and felt sick to his stomach from thinking too much. At the ambulance, they were trying to save Jaejoong. Yunho begged them to do their best to save his life.

 

He waited in front of the emergency room and waited for the result. And he felt his world collapsed when the doctor told him that Jaejoong didn’t make it. It only happened fast. So fast. In just a blink of an eye, the love of his life vanished into thin air. It was a fast, painful death.

 

Seeing him being killed in front of him made him feel like he’s being killed as well.

 

The man who killed Jaejoong was supposed to kill the Lee Jihae he is talking about. He thought Jaejoong was Lee Jihae. Mistaken identity it is.

 

When he faced the one who killed his husband, Yunho almost grabbed the gun of the police and pointed at him, but they were quick enough to stop him. He was shaking in extreme furiousness. He shouted at the top of his lungs all his anger, how the man took away the life of his beloved husband.

After that incident, Yunho barely gets out of his house. His friends took care of him wherein he wasn’t able to function well anymore. It took him a long time to get to work again. He wasn’t able to smile like he used to before.

 

He wanted to follow Jaejoong.

 

o-o-o-o-o

 

The next morning was warm and sunny. A perfect weather where they can visit Jaejoong. He forced himself to get up and be prepared on visiting Jaejoong’s grave. Yoochun was trying to convince him several times last night that they should visit him. Yoochun had a hard time encouraging him.

 

Yunho prayed for God to give him strength to do what he is suppose to do.

 

“Hey Yunho, are you done now?” Yoochun asked as he opened the door and fumbling with his car keys. He looked at him with an encouraging smile. “Are you ready to go?”

 

Yunho nodded, walking towards the door as he let out a sharp breath. “Yes, I’m ready.”

 

Their journey on the way was silent. Yunho was feeling nervous; it’ll be his first time visiting Jaejoong since his death 3 years ago. He didn’t know if he’ll be able to take it if he sees his tombstone again. He can clearly remember the first time he saw it, it made his heart crush into million pieces. The reason why he refuses to go with his friends is because he doesn’t want to feel the same pain again. It feels like he’s being tortured, slowly killing him.

 

As they reached their destination, they made their way towards where Jaejoong’s grave is located. Yunho’s chest started to tightened as he looked upon the grave.

 

“Hey, baby.” Yunho whispered, his tears threatening to fall from his eyes, touching the tombstone in front of him, tracing Jaejoong’s name from it. “I’m here.”

 

Yoochun stood beside him, smiling a little. Somehow feeling happy that his friend is facing his fears. He knows that someday his friend won’t be like this anymore, no matter how painful his past is.

 

“It’s the first time visiting here after 3 years. I know you know the reason why I can’t go here right? I’m sorry if I can’t still move on. I guess I can never do that. You’re my life, Jaejoong.”

 

After Jaejoong was buried in this place, Yunho decided not to go there anymore since he feels more hurt and he can’t stand it. He thought that he’ll even get more frustrated even though the killer has been caught already. For him, life has no meaning when Jaejoong is not around him. He refused to go with his friends whenever it’s his death anniversary. He just let himself stay in their house.

 

A burning pain started from his heart and ended up in his eyes. His heart was racing and his breath came quickly. He wasn’t able to utter any word when tears started to flow

 

_Jaejoong sat beside his grave, looking at Yunho, hugging his knees closer to his chest. He promised himself that he isn’t going to cry no matter what is going to happen, but it seems like his eyes and heart is disobeying him._

_“Yunho…” he trailed off, finding the right words to say when he saw his husband crying uncontrollably and pressing his forehead on the tombstone. “Yunho please be strong. You can’t be like this all the time.”_

“I miss you so much, Jaejoong. I miss you.”

 

_“I know. I know. Yunho, I miss you too.”_

Yunho’s pain and sorrow choked him. His throat was tight, his eyes blurring from tears. “I still blame myself for letting you go alone. It’s my fault that you’re now gone. I can never forgive myself.” Yunho admitted, his head buried in his hands. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t find any meaning to live anymore. There’s no reason for me to. I sometimes feel like maybe it’s time for me to follow you. Jaejoong believe that I tried so hard from moving on but I just can’t. Tell me how am I suppose to? How- how can I live my life without you being happy? There’s no else like you who can make me happy.”

 

_Jaejoong was frozen in his tracks. He didn’t know that Yunho was feeling like he should follow him instead since he feels lonely for so long._

_“Don’t… Yunho please don’t…”_

_Jaejoong bit his lip that trembled a little. He wanted to comfort him, to kiss like he use to when he was still living. He come closer to him and tried to hold him, but he wasn’t able to._

_“Yunho, please be strong.”_

 

Yoochun knelt beside Yunho and engulfed him in a comforting hug. Whispering reassuring words at him. He felt himself tearing up as well. Jaejoong has been a good friend to him, to everyone he knows. He saw how his two friends fell for each other.

 

“Don’t blame yourself, Yunho. It wasn’t your fault.” Yoochun told him, caressing his back gently. “You shouldn’t let Jaejoong see you like this, blaming yourself for his death.”

 

“But I-”

 

Yoochun stopped him and tighten his embrace on his friend. “Sshh…” he hushed him.

 

Yunho spent a few hours there, sharing what had happened the last 3 years in his life. He believes that Jaejoong can hear him, that he listens to his every word. Telling him how it feels like to live without him, he tried his best not to cry. Talking to a tombstone is hard and painful, but it somehow lessen the pain he is feeling right now because he has already faced his fear. He was able to let out the pain he’s been keeping in his heart for 3 years already.

 

“I love you so much, Jaejoong. I love you. You’re the last person I’ll ever love.”

 

_“I love you too Yunho. I love you so much.”_

o-o-o-o-o

 

Yunho gathered all his strength whenever he is visiting him every Sunday. He thanked his friend Yoochun that he can now manage to go at Jaejoong’s grave. He feels happy whenever he is there. He feels like Jaejoong is always beside him.

 

While talking to him, a man approached him and looked at him for a while. Yunho stopped talking for a while and looked at the man who is smiling at him.

 

“Is there something you need Mr.?” asked Yunho as he stood up.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” the man replied, still smiling at him.

 

Yunho hummed as a response, not knowing what to say next.

 

“Husband?”

 

“Ah, yes. He died 3 years ago.”

 

“I’m sure he misses you so much as much as you miss him and he loves you just as much as you love him.” the man told him, making Yunho smile.

 

“Yeah, I know. I can feel it too. Thank you.”

 

Little did he know, the man can see and hear Jaejoong. He saw him smiling at Yunho and answering back all the stories he is sharing.

 

_Jaejoong smiled and mouthed ‘thank you’ at the man, leaning at Yunho’s shoulder. “I love you so, dear.”_

_He knows, someday, they’ll be together once again._

Yunho knows it too.

 

**E N D**


End file.
